Mummy Friends or Mummy Foes?

 

 

 

My Mummy friends mean more to me than I could have imagined. They help me find my sanity, feed me tea and love my children. They cry with me, laugh with me, overly obsess over babies with me and love me for me. They are an important relationship in your life that understands EVERYTHING! They can relate to birth stories, night feeds, the emotional pull of your babies’ firsts. As well as, completely understanding the overwhelming feeling of being needed as a mummy and a wife, constantly…endlessly. We emotionally hold each other’s hands when we can’t support ourselves, through hugs, what’s app conversations and endless play dates. We inspire each to be better mothers, friends and wives. Additionally, supporting and relating with each other when we feel like we are failing.

I have a small group of ‘said’ mummy friends who I have known since Tommy was born. We have built this friendship over time, hours, days of endless support and love. They to me, are more important than a cup of tea (and that’s saying something). They are an integral part in my life that keeps me ticking along each day, to me they are as important as my family.

Looking back, being a Mummy is something I always aspired too, dreamed of and needed in life. It’s something I just generally thought would happen, along with getting married and living happily ever after, with my 2.4 children, maybe in a white picket fenced house in the country. All the stories I read, looked at, or watched growing up told me this would be my life. I wasn’t very good at making or keeping friends at school, so I focused more on imagining my happily ever after. It was mapped out in-front of me like the M4, tracing a solid blue line through my mind. Although, deep down I knew that we didn’t live in the 1950’s anymore, and that the realities would hit me hard as I became an adult. I brushed them off with naivety.

The bomb shell of said realities hit me at specific points in my life…like a bus flattening me while stood on my perfect M4 brain map. Squishing me to smithereens. This was how I felt after we lost our first baby. Nothing prepares you for the curve balls your thrown. They blow apart your soul and shatter your ‘perfection’. At that moment, you can’t envision moving a body part, let alone progressing back into daily life.

When I gave birth to my darling first born, in what ‘they’ class as a late miscarriage I fell apart. There were ten fingers, ten toes, finger nails… but the heart beat I loved was silent. This was not a miscarriage. It was loss, devastation and…silence.

Furthermore, as I was yet to become a mummy, I had no one to relate to. No mummy groups, no mummy friends, no one there to talk to in the middle of the night because you couldn’t sleep due to your breath being stolen by the emptiness.  My family were amazing, Craig held me tight for hours and a couple of friends understood. Nonetheless, now I think back, and reflect on what I now know… I needed you, my mummy friends.

Seven years on, I have you in my life and I have just got back from another playdate. You know the one, where you open your soul and cover the highs and lows of your marriage, babies and family in a few hours. Who needs therapy when I have you. But that’s just it. Not everyone has you… mummy friends. Through social geography, emotional anxiety or the complexities of leaving the house, meeting ‘said’ mummy friends isn’t always easy or an achievable feat. Therefore, what do we do when we desperately need a mummy friend, but we’re not yet a mummy or can’t (for our own reasons) meet one. I was there seven years ago desperate for you.

Today we have the luxury of the Internet. Through social sites and groups, we have access to others seeking friendship on a daily basis. You can join a group for every type of interest or location. To make a connection with someone who understands and supports you is important as a mummy. For me, the online world gives me a comfortable feeling that people in the same boat are there, if I need support. Now I am older I feel more confident to click and find them.

However, this isn’t for everyone and I understand everyone has their own niche of friendship group they look for. It took me a while to find my ‘click’ within the right group of mummy friends. Being a mummy is hard and having the additional worry of getting out of the house to meet others, or starting up the laptop to join in a conversation is easier said than done. It’s taken me years to build up a strong friendship with these mummy friends. My advice is to be honest with yourself. Don’t pressurise yourself to join groups until you’re ready to venture out. Especially as a new mum, groups can feel overwhelming and full of judgie eyes. Be friendly and friendship will find you. Additionally, there are many antenatal groups that allow you to build up a connection before the crazy mummy life begins, like NCT or NHS Classes. Facebook groups also hold a wealth of information, just search for the type of group and the location you live in.

Trust me its worth it. I know not everyone will agree, but for me finding my mummy friends was similar to finding my husband… when you know you just know. You know they will totally rock your world with extra nappies for your children, because you have forgotten yours for the hundredth time. Bring a revolving supply of snacks, tea and cake…. and endless hugs full of love to support your soul. Mummy friends are amazing…and we rock the socks off of life together.. “one small step for a mum…one giant leap together”!(Yes, I totally stole Neil Armstrong’s catch phrase!)

 

*Finding mummy friends is hard and it took me a long time to realise how important and invaluable they are to my life. No one should EVER feel alone or lonely. Its ok to says I am lonely even when you’re not alone. If like me you crave adult conversation from time to time sites such as Channel Mum and Mumsnet have good groups that support us mums. As well as this, I am always here for a chat, you’ll find me over on my twitter, Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

 

 

Mummascribbles
Mudpie Fridays

Related Posts

Broken Sleep and Broken Mummy

Broken Sleep and Broken Mummy

I am so done! You know what, I am now more than done. I am broken! Sleep deprivation is a b***h. It drains you of your ability to be you. It affects those closest to you and makes you sad. Not grumpy but sad. Constantly […]

Help Me I have No Internet- Sunday 8th October 2017

Help Me I have No Internet- Sunday 8th October 2017

Please tell me I am not the only one who checks their phone way too much! I unlock my phone and check my social accounts an unknown amount of times a day. Doing it subconsciously without even registering what I am doing half the time. […]



28 thoughts on “Mummy Friends or Mummy Foes?”

    • Hi Karen. Thank you for reading and commenting. You are right, they are so important, once you have found those special ones 😊 . Jessica

    • Hi Jennifer. Thank you for reading and commenting. You are very right. Making friends as an adult is hard and can take time. However, amazing once you find them 😊. Jessica

    • Hi Lyndsey. Thank you for commenting and reading the post. Sometimes all you need is a couple of really close friends that completely understand you. 😊 Jessica

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. I too have a few very close friends who know me inside out. I personally think its better than having loads who don’t understand you. 😊 Jessica

  • I actually don’t have any mummy friends but I do have an amazing group of friends who are there for me through thick and thin. They may not understand fully what I go through but they try and I know I can count on them for anything. Finding friends like this is just amazing.

    Jordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. Your completely right. Finding friends who are there for you is so important 😊. Jessica

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. You so right. They are so valuable on tough days. They keep me sain! 😊 Jessica

  • Oh mummy friends are just so important. I remember the closeness of my NCT group in that first year before most of started working again, or having more babies, or moving away. We are all still in touch but we need each other a little less right now. But that first year – they were my saviours! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Hi. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I completely agree with how important they are in the first year of motherhood. 😊 Jessica

  • Both times, we moved when our baby was 9 months old, and then we moved again when the youngest was 2.5. I’ve never had the chance to build up a proper circle o mummy friends. I really wish I had.

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. Its hard to meet friends, especially when you move. Are your little ones still small? There are lots of online groups Id recommend if your looking for some adult conversation. I find thats the one thing I crave when I am locked in the house with my little ones. 😊 Jessica

  • My Mummy friends are so, so important to me and they have got me through some tough times and we all support each other. I think it is one of the biggest necessities for new Mums find a group of friends with children of the same age. Also I am very sorry for your loss.

  • I am 60 and a grandma. When my children were small our health visitor encouraged us to start a mother and toddler group as there were none in those days. We went from strength to strength with child friendly activities and nights out for 40 or so mums that joined. I became close friends with six women who are still my friends today. We have supported each other through lots of ups and downs and I don’t know what I would have done without them as my family were 70 miles away. Our children are all over the country now but keep in touch on social media so they support each other too!

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. What an amazing group of friends you have. A mother and toddler group is such a valuable recourse to meeting other mums. Your right friends that grow with you and support you are so important. 😊 Jessica

  • Absolutely agree…apart from have to say it is NEIL Armstrong I think you want to quote rather than the cycling cheat Lance 🙂

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. O m goodness… yes your right thats exactly who I meant! Thank you for flagging it up. 😊 Jessica

  • I never managed to make mummy friends when my son was born. We lived away from the NCT couples we’d met and there were no classes near us for me to join. The one I did go to was an hours drive away. Now that we’ve moved country and I’m still learning the language I can’t see me making mummy friends any time soon and yes, it gets lonely x

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. I am sending hugs.. its hard at times when you live away from other mums. Have you tried connecting up with some online groups to try and ease the loneliness? 😊 Jessica

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. Thats lovely. Is so nice when you find friends with children who are a similar age to your own. 😊 Jessica

    • Hi. Thank you for reading and commenting. I am so glad you liked it. I agree those friends who ‘just get it’ are the ones that stick! 😊 Jessica

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *