My Darling Tommy
I watched you walk into your reception class today. It’s Monday 4th September 2017, and your dressed in your perfect grey trousers, still crisp, complete with the fresh iron mark down the front. Your black, dinosaur school shoes are so shiny and clean, and look so big and clumpy compared to the summer daps you have been wearing. Your school Jumper is a tad big, but I think you grow so fast it’s ok for now. Attached to the belt buckle of your trousers is your special keyring, one side mummy, the other daddy… to keep you company on this special journey. You hold my hand and I feel your head rise and your feet step as we walk towards school. You’re nervous and scared, I know that because I know you my love. You don’t want to leave me, but you know I will come and get you soon, and you’ll have so much fun at your new school.
It’s the unknown that scares you, new faces, new routines, smells and sounds. As I hold your hand I wonder if this is the right route, then I remind myself that it’s giving you more than I can give you and that once your settled and we are used to the routine, it will become second nature. I squeeze your hand and I can see you move closer to me, I can sense your worry. It’s ok my love I whisper and you look for reassurance. “Stay Mummy” you say looking at me searching for a yes, when you know I can’t. This breaks my heart every day when you ask me. I lie that I can’t stay, when all I want to do is stay and protect you.
Your first few days of school were made up of buckets of dinosaurs, book swapping, playground playing and learning to sit still on the carpet. You quickly learnt where your peg was and hung up your thunderbird PE kit, pointing to the hand stitched name, done by your Grannie and telling me there is a secret message inside with lots of kisses. You settle into a morning routine, of finding your name tag, choosing your lunch and reluctantly getting out your drawing book (I know it’s not your favourite thing to do, but your teacher says its only until I leave). As the days progress, we form our new routine, a personal one that allows you to emotionally detach from me, and settle into your class. Each day you kiss me and Emme goodbye and stand at the glass door with your mussie hanging out of your mouth, chewing at it anxiously. Your teacher stands behind and supports your transition into the classroom as we wave goodbye. I am so proud of you my darling for trying to adjust and being open to this new routine.
You’re so brave my darling, brave for letting go of my hand, brave for saying “Tommy” when asked your name, brave for walking first into your class, brave for speaking to your new teacher in front of all those unknown children and brave for letting me walk away. I could see you beginning to fight back the tears as you let go, but I smiled and you waved. You got me through that moment my Darling, your wave lasted me the time we were apart.
I know the next few weeks will speed by and you’ll have new friends before you know it. It just takes time and a period of adjustment. for us all. The days pass and we are at the end of the week and I’ve just collected you from school. You run and hug me so close I feel the love shoot through your arms to mine. As we walk away you look up at me and say, “I like school mummy…but I don’t want to go back there tomorrow”.
My darling boy, as you will come to learn over the next few weeks school is part of our future and will be something that you attend most days until your grown. But how do I tell you this, when you’re so young and innocent to the concept of time. So, for now we celebrate your first “I like school” comment, and I praise you for going and being so brave, we talk about what you did that day and how you get to have some ‘mummy daddy days’ and some school days during your week. I explain that you will learn fun exciting things about dinosaurs, dragons, the planet and space. As well as, learning to read all of your lovely books and learning to write letters and lists. I can see you thinking, and you say you want to write a Christmas list. With a cow and a Meathead on it. I am not sure if this is an achievable present but I love your enthusiasm and imagination. You’re constantly surprising me and making me laugh.
So as we go into your second week of school I just want you to remind you…
And I will always be here when you need me, in whatever you do. Mummy and Daddy are so proud of you, our darling boy for starting primary school.