This afternoon was Tommy’s induction at primary school. I don’t know why but I hadn’t actually given it much thought. My expectation was that he would be fine while I was there, but get upset when I left (which he usually does). So I was preparing for both of us spending the afternoon at his primary school; together. However this wasn’t how it went…he was FINE! He didn’t need me to stay! He actually let me leave. So I left…. and sat in the car crying… no, sobbing.
The realization that my baby was going to school, big school, and that he didn’t need me officially hit home. He is growing up and I need to adjust, but this is hard when he is still my baby.. he is only 4. Why do we have to let go so soon? It’s the facial expressions that only I see and understand that I worry about, that he will be upset and no one will know to comfort him. A mother’s love for their child is so deep and strong it’s as if I am sending part of my heart off into an unknown adventure, from which I have no control over. It’s hard, scary and makes me feel sick. Nonetheless I know I have to be brave, strong and proud of him… for he is doing this big thing alone… and he is succeeding at it, excited about it and hopeful for the future. So it’s ok, I can let go (well.. Only a little bit).